There was a time when I used to be a very shy person. You might even cringe if I shared it with you. It began something like this: I was so hungry and needed food, but I wasn't brave enough to go alone and ask for it. Because I was a shy and less confident kid, I didn't have many friends. People knew me as the shy boy or the dumb boy. It took me a very long time to make a good friend. I never had a best friend in childhood for that reason, whereas everyone else seemed to have one.
Where did all this shyness come from? Why did the fear of judgment suddenly come to me at that age? When we were kids, or when I used to be a kid, we didn't have shyness when we talked or spoke, even if we only spoke half-words and blabbered too much. We even cried without shyness, and there were so many confident moments. But what we didn't have back then was the fear of judgment. Not worrying about what they would think of me or how they would perceive me. Fear of judgment is the main problem that stops you from speaking up, even for things you need most.
Back to the topic: I was so shy that I didn't have a friend until the 7th grade. Until 6th grade, I was so shy and scared of judgment. Initially, I didn't belong to the place where I studied. They treated me badly and said many dumb things to me. They hindered me. Because I didn't speak, it made me look weak, and they took advantage of it.
But when I left that school and got into a new school in the 7th grade, I finally made a friend. He was the first friend to approach me and talk to me. He was so friendly. It was his first time at the new school too, just like me. I saw him as so confident, even though he was new. Luckily, I was sitting with him. His name is Sonam. He started to talk to me and asked, "What is your name? Where do you live? Which was your recent school? Are you also new?" He kept asking questions, and I kept giving answers. But as you might expect, I was so shy and confused that I didn't ask his name or anything. I only learned his name when other friends and the teacher called him, or when he introduced himself loudly to others.
It was good of him to take me with him wherever he went in the school—to the bathroom, to the tap, and to other classes—greeting people and introducing me: "This is Vim, and this is my friend." I was his first friend in this school and his class. Honestly, I felt really happy because I felt so comfortable.
What was amazing is that, although I was a shy person who didn't know how to talk, I was good at studying. I became the topper of the class. This might be what made him want to sit with me. You know what the class thought about me? They thought I was a really smart and cool boy because I was a topper and so silent all the time. If I hadn't been good at studying, they would have thought of me as dumb and stupid—someone who doesn't know how to speak or study. But I was a topper and really good at studying.
I never communicated much in class with anyone else, especially girls. I didn't even look at them. It may sound cringe when you imagine it. I didn't ask girls anything. I didn't even go out of the class if there were girls at the gate. I didn't look at them, and when any girl came closer, I just moved away and ignored them. I was really shy to talk to them. Fear of judgment.
There was a time during the lunch break when many girls were standing at the classroom door, and I couldn't go outside because they were at the gate. Luckily, my friend knew my weakness. He went to them and said, "Hey girls, leave the gate, Vim has to go outside" (oe kti haru thau khale gaar vim lai bahira janu parne cha). All the girls were shocked, wondering "Why did we do that?" But my friend said, "Can't you do it? What's wrong with you? It's just a few seconds' work." After that, they moved. Maybe they were nice.
After that, anytime I wanted to go outside when girls were around, my friend helped me. Some of the girls knew what I was looking for and would tell their friends, "Give way girls, Vim is here." (I know it may sound cool and weird, but it is the truth). This went on for a pretty long time. The girls were talking about me. Some even tried to provoke me and talk to me desperately. My friend saved me a lot in those moments. Thanks to him; I wish God blesses him for helping people like me.
This went on for months. It was a time of rumors. Girls from other sections started to stare at me. Well, I was cute and good enough for that age. The rumors were like this: "That Vim boy, he doesn't talk to any girls. That topper boy doesn't give a fuck about anyone. Even when girls surround the gate, he won't go outside. He's the kind of boy who ignores every girl; he is pure." That's what the rumors and people were saying.
I know silence didn't make me unique, but my stupid activities somehow made me unique to them. So, at that time, I was a class crush. There were three girls who liked me for that nature—two from other sections and one from my section. Damn, I was popular! But too shy to tell them the real reason. But what could I do? I kept behaving that way and letting them like me. This is how it went.